


Still Scared, Though

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: It's the beginning of 3x01 and Maddie is asking Chimney if he wants kids, already knowing she's pregnant.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Still Scared, Though

“To. Have. Kids?” He places a piece of popcorn in her mouth and she chews it nervously for a moment before she lets out a nervous laugh. She gulps down the popcorn, taking her time in an attempt to gather her thoughts before she shrugs her shoulders, “I-I always wanted kids but… it didn’t feel safe. I couldn’t bring kids into that situation, you know?”

She tries hard to hide how terrified she looks in that moment, but it’s too late, Chimney’s already discarded the bowl of popcorn on the counter, stepping forward as he looks at her. She takes a deep, trembling breath, shaking hands gripping onto the edge of the kitchen counter before she dares herself to look at him, “D-do you? Think about… kids?”

“I mean… I think about it, sometimes. But I had a mother who was taken from me too soon and a father who was barely ever there, I just-I’ve never thought I’d be a good parent, I’m not sure I know how. But I think I’d like the chance, one day?” Despite the concern on his face, she can still see the kindness and the hope in his eyes when he closes the gap between them and forces her hands from their tight grip, taking both of them up to his lips.

“You haven’t touched your wine.”

She only nods and shrugs her shoulders, they’ve only been dating five months, they’ve only been having sex for three of those amazing months and she knows, she knows neither of them are getting any younger but after being married for so long, she didn’t expect to go rushing into parenthood after so little time. But it was Chimney, and she was safe.

Her main concern was if she would even know how to be a good parent when she was barely sure she knew how to be a functioning adult sometimes. She still had nightmares, she still had to go to therapy, she still flinched if someone yelled too loud, she still expected Chimney to realise she was too much hard work.

“Y-you were sick… a few days ago, said it was a bug…” The pieces are falling into place, she can literally see him calculating it in his head.

“Do you hate me?” She asks, the moment it seems to have clicked and he looks at her, his eyes wide and all the colour flushed from his cheeks as he shakes his head.

“No, no. Of course not, why would I hate you? Shit, Maddie—no. I just—are you sure?”

“I took five tests…” She mumbles, her cheeks flushing with shame because she should have known something would happen if they weren’t more careful. It was her responsibility to take the pill, it was her decision to use that particular form of protection and now she’s forced Chimney into a situation neither of them had even discussed.

He doesn’t say anything, but his hands drop from hers and she thinks, she can’t help but think, that she’s lost him. They had barely discussed their future together beyond where they wanted to go on vacation, they assumed there was a future, she couldn’t imagine being with anyone else or trusting another person as much as she did him. But they just hadn’t discussed the important things, like marriage and kids. Perhaps, she thinks, because they thought they had time.

“I didn’t know how to tell you, I-I mean I was going to tell you tonight but I just… didn’t know how.”

He only nods his head, his body stepping away from hers as he scratches the back of his head. His mouth opens, and then shuts, before it opens again, as though he doesn’t know what to say. She knows what’s coming, she’s seen it enough times – both in herself, Chimney and the countless patients that came through the ER doors. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, his breathing heavy before she decided instead, to close the gap between them, resting a hand on the back of his neck as her other hand falls onto his cheek.

“It’s okay, breathe with me,” She makes a point of taking a deep breath, her fingers rubbing along the back of his head gently, breathing slowly in the hopes he would follow her lead. It takes a few seconds, but he does, his eyes wet with unshed tears until finally, he’s calm enough to wrap both his arms around her, pulling her tight against his body.

“Sorry, m’sorry.” He mumbles continuous apologies against the crook of his neck, his hands gripping onto her shirt tightly, “D-didn’t mean to put you in this position… I-I should have… I should have b-been more careful? I should have… I shouldn’t have… I’m so sorry.”

“No, baby,” She hushes him, her lips pressing to the top of her head as her own tears fall, “A-are you… sad?” Maddie hates asking, terrified of what the answer is going to be, not sure she could take a rejection from the man she’s fallen for. She’s been pregnant once before, from a man who didn’t want the child growing inside of her and who made his feelings clear enough by taking the problem away.

The memory causes her to tense, wanting to pull away but Chimney’s grip on her is too taught, “N-never thought I’d be a dad.” His voice vibrates against her skin and she closes her eyes, why would he want children with a woman he’s barely known a year? “Couldn’t imagine anyone I’d want to do it with more. Still scared though.”

It’s all she needs to hear to relax fully in his grip, both her arms wrapping around his shoulders as she sobs, “Me too.”


End file.
